4:09 p.m. - Monday, Dec. 15, 2003
I'm so tired of people.
I am so sick of being told that I am overweight.
So completely tired of hearing that I need to lose weight.
Do people really believe that when I get out of the shower in the morning, and I look at myself in the mirror, All I think is, "Wow, I look GOOD. I have THE perfect Body. I am SO gorgeous."
You are so deluded. When I see myself in the mirror, the only thing I think is how disgusted I am. To have let myself become what I am is so disappointing to me. I am Grossly overweight. Fat. Too heavy. Too big. Unseemingly chubby. And it disgusts me.
Just because I AM, does not mean that I require being TOLD that I am. Actually I'm very well aware. I am not proud of it. I am not happy about it. As things stand right now, there's not much I can DO about it. So shut up.
Don't say it. Don't even hint at it.
I have health problems due to being of incredible weight? Yes, I am aware.
I have exposed myself to risks that could be prevented if I didn't weigh as much as I do? Still aware.
The reason that my knee sometimes hurts so badly, and I can no longer bend it so much, is because there's too much weight on it? Yes... I. Know.
So STOP telling me I'm fat. STOP telling me I need to lose weight. STOP "suggesting" that maybe my knee would get better if I didn't weigh so much. STOP "mentioning" that there's this new 'diet' that is being raved about, that maybe THAT one would work for me. STOP IT.
You can't possibly know what I have gone thru, to try and lose weight. The countless diets, and did nothing for me. The excersize that simply made me unable to get thru an entire day because it exhausted me.
You don't understand what it takes for me to get out of bed each morning, and decide to get dressed and go to work.
You don't know. You can't know.
This is something that I have to deal with every single day. It's something that I have been trying to rectify for several years. I have reduced myself to tears thinking that if I could only lose a little, maybe I could push myself a little further... only to go that bit further and have gained weight instead.
Stop talking to me about what you can't even fathom.
You have NO idea the hurt you inflict.
Yes, we women who are overweight,
WE. KNOW. THAT. WE. ARE. HEAVY.
We don't need to be reminded that it's detrimental to our health. Don't need to be told that if we'd just lose some, we'd look so pretty. Don't need to HEAR that WE NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.
WE.
KNOW.
So Shut up.
Because you DON'T know.
~Bye~
