8:19 p.m. - Thursday, Dec. 23, 2010
In trouble, with a capital O.
Well, I find myself in a pickle. A whole big stinky world of bad.
It hit me this evening, as I was changing clothes. I could hear the tv in the other room. Some guy talking about love and being in love. He gave this elaborate description of what infatuation feels like, and how love, real love, isn't so obvious. It just sneaks up on you. How you find that you're anxious give this person whatever. There's no hesitation, it's just give. Give give give, never asking for anything back.
And BAM.
There it is. I've felt this way before. I feel this way again. Shit.
This is bad. This is inappropriate and unavailable and nothing that I have ever looked for or asked for or wanted. NOTHING. Everything I've walked away from.
I don't want this. This is trouble. This is gonna hurt. Hurt bad. Dammit.
I AM NOT HAPPY WITH THIS.
